Why Don't You Love Me
by VegasSkiesinChasm
Summary: Just a warning: major feels are unavoidable.


"**I love you means that I'll always love you. That I loved you then. That I love you now. That I will love you after. I love you means I loved you before the word was defined. Since before life existed. It means that I will love you even when earth is just stardust scattering across infinite space." – Alexander DeLeon**

_See_

_I can't wake up_

_I'm living a nightmare_

_That keeps playing over again_

Jace sat up straight on his bed, waking up from a nightmare that keeps bugging him almost every night since he knew that he was Clary's brother. Sighing loudly, he wiped the sweat off his face and raked his hand through his hair repeatedly before finally deciding to give up on sleeping and went to the greenhouse.

_Locked in a room_

_So hung up on you_

_And you're cool_

_With just being friends_

Bent over her sketchbook, Clary let her tears pour as the moon darkens the greenhouse and surrounds her with darkness. How long could she pretending that she wants Jace as her brother when all she wanted is more than that? By the Angel, she really doesn't know how long she could keep up this charade. And that made her tears pour down even more as she cried her anguish out.

_Left on the sidelines_

_Stuck at a red light_

_Waiting for my time_

_And I can't see_

Walking mindlessly to the greenhouse, Jace couldn't help but wonder how in the world he can still survive living in a world where Clary is his sister? That thought made him clench his hands into fists tightly right before he went up to the greenhouse, thinking that he'd have the greenhouse all to himself where he could let out the emotions and pent-up feelings.

_Why don't you love me?_

_Touch me?_

_Tell me I'm your everything_

_The air you breathe_

_And why don't you love me?_

_Baby_

_Open up your heart tonight_

'_Cause I could be all that you need_

_Woah_

_Why don't you love me?_

She doesn't even realize that there's another presence up in the greenhouse, watching her with glistening gold eyes. The piece of the shattered Portal glass lies beside her, tempting her to hurl it at everyone and everything in her sight. The clock strikes midnight and the midnight flower burst open, like when Jace took her up here for her birthday celebration, but Clary paid no attention to it. At that memory, her heart breaks even more and she wailed into the night.

_Why don't you love me?_

He heard it first before he saw her, the piercing cry of a brokenhearted Clary. It feels like someone stabbed him in the heart with a seraph blade repeatedly and twists it everytime it struck his heart. Fists clenched tightly, he finally let all of his anguish and frustration out as tears began to fall freely from his eyes while he watched the girl he loves with all of his heart suffer infront of him, at the same time he couldn't do anything but watch her cry and wail sorrowfully.

_See, I'm just too scared_

_To tell you the truth_

'_Cause my heartache_

_Can't take anymore_

The word 'brother' seemed like venom to her now, it only reminds her of the mere fact that the only person she love is now forbidden for her to love. Hearing the sound of leaves rustling, she looked up and saw the cause of her heartbreak and at the same time, the cause of her heartbeat. He's walking towards her direction and through the moonlight; she could see that he has tears streaking down his face like a river flowing freely. Her heart ached, _The boy never cried again_.

_Broken and bruised_

_Longing for you_

_And I don't know_

_What I'm waiting for_

The last time he went up here was when he took Clary for her birthday celebration, the same night where he told her about him and his falcon. And also the same night where he told her that he never cried again after Valentine's reaction to him making the falcon loves him. To love is to destroy, that's what he said. But now as he fell to his knees on the floor beside her, he couldn't care less about never crying anymore, sharing his anguish and feeling her sorrow together up here in the greenhouse.

_Left on the sidelines_

_Stuck at a red light_

_Waiting for my time_

_So just tell me_

"Ja…Jace? What are you doing here?" She asked, rather gruffly.

"You know why, Clary. You know why." He replied softly.

_Why don't you love me?_

_Touch me?_

_Tell me I'm your everything_

_The air you breathe_

_And why don't you love me?_

_Baby_

_Open up your heart tonight_

'_Cause I could be all that you need_

_Oh_

_Oh_

He wiped the tears away from her cheeks uselessly, since she was still crying while he was doing it. He feels her arms locking tight around his back, her tears soaking his tee as she buried her face in his chest. Responding in kind, he buried his face in the tangled mess of her hair and hugged her tightly to him, making it impossible to find where he began or where she ended.

_Why don't you give me a reason?_

_(Give me a reason)  
Please tell me the truth_

_(Please tell me the truth)  
You know that I'll keep believing_

_(I'll keep believing)_

_Till I'm with you_

They stayed in that position for a few minutes, then they pulled away but still remaining linked to each other. After what seemed like an eternity, the most dreaded question is asked.

"Jace… What are we going to do?" She asked, sadly and fearfully.

He sighed heavily, "I don't know, Clary. I don't know." He squeezed her hand, letting her know that she's not the only one going through the same thing.

_Why don't you love me?_

_Kiss me?_

_I can feel your heart tonight_

_Killing me_

With eyes locked and palms intertwined, they both sat on their knees with backs facing the outline of New York at night. Sadness still lingers in the air as night went by slowly. Jace broke the silence, "I never believed that you're my sister." Clary glanced sharply at him, who looked weary and extremely tired. He stared straight ahead into the greenhouse before he answered her.

"I feel that the reason that you were my sister is sort of like a cosmic joke. When you were with Simon, when he made you laugh; I felt like I should be the one who made you laugh like that. I should be the one sitting next to you on that couch. I don't even know what it is for – thinking that I might actually get to have you; that I deserved to be as happy as that. But then reality happened and I couldn't even understand what I was punished for…"

_So why don't you love me?_

_Touch me?_

_Tell me I'm your everything_

_The air you breathe_

_And why don't you love me?_

_Baby_

_Open up your heart tonight_

'_Cause I could be all that you need_

_Woah, oh_

"But Jace, if you were punished then I would be too. It's like when you said it's just us against the world, because it is. If you can't trust your gut, then what can you trust? You can trust that caring, as a rule, ends poorly. Caring doesn't sometimes lead to misery. It always does. Look what caring has brought us to, but in the end, we always find a way out from that misery although we paid a huge price."

_Why don't you love me?  
Why don't you love me?_

_Yeah_

_Why don't you love me?_

_Why don't you love me?_

_Why don't you love me?_

"I feel like my life is so scattered right now. Like it's all these small pieces of paper and someone's turned on the fan. But talking to you makes me feel like the fan's been turned off for a little bit, like things could actually make sense. You completely unscatter me, and I appreciate that so much. I just want you to be happy. If that's with me or with someone else or with nobody. I just want you to be happy. I just want you to be okay with life. With life as it is. And me, too. It is so hard to accept that life is falling. Falling and landing and falling and landing. I agree it's not ideal. I agree."

Clary took a deep breath, "When things break, it's not the actual breaking that prevents them from getting back together again. It's because a little piece gets lost – the two remaining ends couldn't fit together even if they wanted to. The whole shape has changed."

Jace understood what Clary was implying, she couldn't have used a better euphemism than the one she used earlier. "Out of the seven billion people in this world, only you that I'd choose. Almost a million words that I could say, but none of them will do. So many years that I have lived but it feels like I've just begun. Out of the seven billion people, Clary, you're the only one."

Clary can't help but lean slightly to Jace as he started to move closer to her side so that he could hug her sideways, slowly turning into a tight hug that could take a billion people to break open.

"**So why would I lie? You are far too divine for this love to be close to blind. Some kiss to feel missed, like a wish towards bliss; while others may kiss just to play. But your lips take a trip to the gold in my ribs when I meet them with all of my pain. The roads that I take, like the faith that I taste, they will always lead straight to you. For if love is life and life is pain; then to my chest, I will beg you to shoot. " – Alexander DeLeon**


End file.
